Steps...

(The steps I walked yesterday)

Steven Curtis Chapman was talking to me one night and said this about the death of his daughter, Maria: "While you are in the midst of it, it is dirty. Very ugly brush strokes, ugly colors. And you can't see anything else. But one day when we step back, we will see the ugliness was just part of a beautiful picture God had painted of our lives." I think that explains it best.

Yesterday, my kids, my mom-in-law, and I went to this park above to see a waterfall. There are 159 steps to get there. Going down is easy. Gravity pulls you. But going up? That's a different story. While standing at the bottom, you can't see the top. You know its there, but you can't see it. You take a step of faith, knowing at sometime you will get there. Because there are so many steps there are numerous landings to sit at a park bench and relax. You watch people go down and pass you by going up. Yesterday, we sat a lot on those benches. And it was like deja vu. An analogy for my life. And I liked it. Esther Isabel is at the top of those stairs. But it is hard going up. I get tired. I get frustrated. I wonder if I'm ever gonna be at the top. I get exhausted and I sit down. While sitting I see others fly up those stairs before me. I shake my head. I watch others, at the bottom, take that first step. And I still sit. But I decided if I was going to sit I was gonna enjoy the scenery. It took a long time to get this far, so I might as well enjoy it. A friend of mine wrote she was "wishing her life away". I know that feeling all too well. I have spent a lot of time doing that. But since finding out we were third, I stopped. I sit and smell the flowers. I watch and enjoy the scenery, while people walk up and down those steps. And eventually, after I've rested enough, I begin those hard steps again. It doesn't take much walking before I realize I'm exhausted once again. But soon I'll be able to see the top. I'll be able to see her face looking down at me. Just like Caleb yesterday. And I'll get up,and slowly with a few more stops for court and travel calls, will finally hold her in my arms. And once she's in my arms, I will look down all those steps it took to get me to her, and it won't seem so bad. Not like while I was in the midst of it. It will be my "labor pains" something you will always remember how hard it was, but never how bad it hurt. But one thing I am very happy for: that Jesus Christ is my foundation. With Him I am able to rest on those benches. I am not scrambling to the top with steps that are falling away. He takes care of her, and He takes care of me. And He gives me a place to rest with a beautiful view of a waterfall.


Psalm 23: 1-2 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.