Time...

(A photo album I got for Africa Pictures)

A lot of people have been detached from this adoption, but there are others that have been very much a part of it while waiting. I understand being detached, because it is hard to believe it will happen when 2 years go by and still nothing. And seeing is believing. But believing is faith. Faith is the belief in things unseen. When you live in my house you have a lot of faith. We actually see the things that God has done in this adoption. Such as, we applied for numerous grants but only received one. I lost my management job on a Tuesday in February. 3 days after my dossier had made it to Ethiopia. Panic set in. I didn't know how in the world we would ever be able to afford our adoption then. On Wednesday, the very NEXT day, I received a grant from Shaohannah's Hope. Totaling the amount that I was trying to earn at my job. I sat down and cried like a baby. It was another confirmation to me and others following us, how much God has a part in this adoption. It has always been that way since we stood at that cliff and jumped. We jumped head first into adoption even though people said we were crazy.

You can have your own biological children. You already have 3 kids. Do you want to sacrifice your own 3 kids to be able to afford someone else's child? Those 3 statements
were what we heard over and over again. And it scared me. Because I HAD thought about that. But God was yelling louder, drowning out all the other voices. So I took God's hand and I leaped off that ledge of a cliff, holding on to Him for dear life.

I'm terrified of change. I'm terrified of the unknown. I'm terrified of having our family becoming "Gloriously wrecked". But it's been almost 2 years since I took that leap of faith, and I can see the ground. God has never once let me go. Not even when I lost my job and all we could see was blackness surrounding us. He provided for us in many, many personal ways. I never thought I would have such an intimate relationship with Christ, that I would give up everything and just believe. Just have faith He told me. Just know, I know what I'm doing. So with shaking heads and negative comments from family we went with God. (Now I'm not a people-pleaser; but I am a family-pleaser so this on its own was a leap!) Here we are with nothing between my daughter and I but time, and I am smiling. I am smiling because when I went so far off the "deep-end" and followed Christ. When I got out of the boat as Peter, I kept my eyes on the Lord. But it wasn't easy. No there were a few times, when I heard Him say, "Oh ye of little faith" but now I'm right beside Him. We are walking on the ground and He is leading me to my little girl. I picture us walking hand in hand and He is telling me things about her. About how He had planted adoption in my heart many, many years ago. Half a lifetime ago because of this purpose. Because of this little girl. And we continue to walk.

Last night as I was shopping in Walmart I realized something. We have been on this road for 19 months. When we began there was a reason she wasn't there. She hadn't been born yet. We asked for a little girl of 0-12 months. But maybe she had been conceived. Maybe my little girl is 10 months old. Maybe she was conceived the month we began. Maybe God looked at her while making her and smiled. Maybe he said, "What shall we do with you little one?" Then the plan began. I guess I'll never know what God was thinking, but we shall know soon enough when our plan began. Before or after she was conceived. And that makes me smile. Nothing but time separates us now.

When I was struggling, and sinking in the water, I went to Church. I sat in the third row. The Pastor who has no idea who I am, or what was going on with my life at the time, looked directly at me and said, "What God brings you to, he will lead you through. He will provide for you." The man next to me, who I didn't know either, put his arm around me, while I was shaking, with tears streaming down my face, and said, "God just spoke to you." I knew it before he even mentioned it, but it was another confirmation that God has never left me. He is steadfast and firm. And I love Him.......