We are going on 7 months "officially waiting" for a referral now. I counted up the weeks. I am 29 weeks and 3 days paper pregnant. At this point in my pregnancy I would really be showing. I would be getting close to nesting. And I would be getting really tired. So I laugh to myself, because even though my body isn't pregnant naturally, I still am pregnant. And my mind is doing all these same things. A year and a half ago I wrote that I must be pregnant with an elephant because things are taking forever to progress. I takes an elephant 22 months to birth a baby. I was right! We are on month 19 and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. By the time she is in my arms it will be 22+ months.
But guess what: I'm at the very last landing on those steps. I'm so close I can almost see her, but the light is blinding me. She is there but God is hiding her with the light. I'm not struggling to see, I'm just at peace. If I would've known it would've taken me 19+ months to climb these stairs, I still would've. I believe I'm a stronger woman. I'm a better Christian. And I can feel "out-of-control" and be OK. Which is saying something for the control-freak I am.
My Step-mom had a dream about her the other day. She was laying in my lap and my aunt was leaning over to look at her. She said she was an adorable little girl. Spoken from a proud Grandma. Currently my Step-mom and I fill our days planning my next "Passport to Africa" benefit on 9-19-09, and talk about Miss E. We pray for her and we pray for her birth family. We talk about the flights and the Ethiopian food. We talk about jet-lag and how we plan on "paying-it-forward" once she is home. We talk about culture camps and Ethiopian formal wear. We talk about click-clack beads for her hair and what my Grandchildren will be like. We have fully meshed into an American/Ethiopian family. And we are proud. We are overjoyed at what God has done for us. We are "chomping-at-the-bit" to see her face. To hear her name. To feel it roll off our tongue. We can't wait to hold her, smell her, and just finally be able to love her. What God has done for our family is something I never thought would be possible. And I love to watch God work. And I can't wait to see what He has planned.
But guess what: I'm at the very last landing on those steps. I'm so close I can almost see her, but the light is blinding me. She is there but God is hiding her with the light. I'm not struggling to see, I'm just at peace. If I would've known it would've taken me 19+ months to climb these stairs, I still would've. I believe I'm a stronger woman. I'm a better Christian. And I can feel "out-of-control" and be OK. Which is saying something for the control-freak I am.
My Step-mom had a dream about her the other day. She was laying in my lap and my aunt was leaning over to look at her. She said she was an adorable little girl. Spoken from a proud Grandma. Currently my Step-mom and I fill our days planning my next "Passport to Africa" benefit on 9-19-09, and talk about Miss E. We pray for her and we pray for her birth family. We talk about the flights and the Ethiopian food. We talk about jet-lag and how we plan on "paying-it-forward" once she is home. We talk about culture camps and Ethiopian formal wear. We talk about click-clack beads for her hair and what my Grandchildren will be like. We have fully meshed into an American/Ethiopian family. And we are proud. We are overjoyed at what God has done for us. We are "chomping-at-the-bit" to see her face. To hear her name. To feel it roll off our tongue. We can't wait to hold her, smell her, and just finally be able to love her. What God has done for our family is something I never thought would be possible. And I love to watch God work. And I can't wait to see what He has planned.
2 comments:
Amen girl, beautiful post.
So, so true.
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