Today I realized this was it. The VERY last day. My friend is due tomorrow. All my friends that we were "Pregnant" together, have either had their baby (including one who used my fertility monitor), have gotten back from Ethiopia with their child, or are ready to travel within the next month. All of them.......There are 2 that are having their baby in early September. But Bill and I have officially been left behind. Kind of sad. I wish to share in the joy too, but I think people feel kind of guilty, so they kindly leave me out. My friend who borrowed my fertility monitor was part of our dossier. She wrote a reference letter for it. We had gotten over the domestic adoption disappointment so we decided to start international. She asked if it was possible to borrow it till she became pregnant. A few months later she was. Another successful pregnancy made from the CBEFM. I watched as she blossomed and glowed. While we still waited. A few weeks ago I got the call that she was in labor. I waited ever-so-not-patiently. Then I got the picture text that the beautiful baby boy had been born. I went to see him the next morning. I held him. I placed a smile on my face, showered him with kisses, walked out to my van and began to sob. While we still waited. A full complete circle. We began the process months before she decided to have another baby. And we still wait. I don't think people get it. They don't understand how hard it is to wait sometimes. While it took us 3 years to get pregnant with Laural, it was hard. But we were young. People weren't married yet like we were, so there was more partying going on than baby showers. It was live-able. In my head I "KNOW" we are only 5 months into this process. But in my heart we are a year and a half. A year and a half to picture in our minds what she will look like. A year and a half to fall in love with her. And that isn't even since the beginning. That is since we have been waiting. Not the months prior preparing, praying for her. I truly thought she would be here with my other friends children. I would've thought with 3 kids it would be no big deal, waiting. It is though. I know what I'm missing out on. So today, or tomorrow, or the next day, I'll get the call that another child has been born into our circle of friends, and I will put a smile on my face, shower the child with kisses, and I will leave in tears.
Dear God, I know Esther Isabel is adorable. But you must be working on something pretty special for us. She will be worth waiting for.
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2 comments:
Oh, Gretchen, she's gonna be beautiful and sweet and so worth the wait. Hang in there.
I just stumbled upon your blog on the CHSFS forum. I am one of those 300+ families waiting for a referral. This post echos my current feelings about this process. I also have three children at home already-a house full that I am grateful for, but some how that doesn't make the waiting any easier. I honestly thought that in all our business, the time would fly by, but it is increasingly difficult. We have been contemplating changing to an agency with a shorter wait time. We are still struggling with this and want to make sure that we are not "forcing" God's timing. Would you recommend the agency that you are now using?
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