This is it...

The final day.  I feel like if I put pen to paper, I would have so much to write.  I could feel it all pour out of me.  So many things that I can't write about here, yet.  Maybe tomorrow?  Hopefully.... 

For two years, this is what I have wanted.  Walking towards my goal.  I have spent so many hours praying for this day, this night, soon-to-be-hour.  I have pleaded with God.  I have begged God.  I have yelled at God.  I have sent Him balloon letters.  I have cried with God.  I have felt no hope, but knew my hope was with God.  I have doubted Him.  I have defended Him.  Somedays I would have threw things at Him, if I could see Him.  He is God and I am not. He is steadfast, and I am not.  And I love Him through every cursor of my being, and He loves me with more love than any of us could even ever try to imagine.  It all leads to this, this day....

A handful of friends, my husband, and I are fasting today.  We are fasting for God's will to be done and that we may not understand His will, but that if it is not what we are hoping for that He will give us peace that surpasses all understanding.  We know He doesn't want PNut to remain an orphan.  We know He has led us to her, in many unimagineable ways.  But will He intercede in court tonight while we are sleeping?  We hope so.

If you have been following my adoption diary/blog for awhile now, you know about the "boy in the tree."  If you haven't read that blog post you can read it here: http://gdalmquist.blogspot.com/2009/08/i-just-woke-up-from-dream-and-im-typing.html 

Here is an excerpt from that post: I just woke up from a dream and I'm typing this post now while it is so fresh in my mind. You see it felt real. I was at a culture retreat of sorts, but it was different. It was a retreat where you spend the weekend and its full of Ethiopian children all available for adoption. Most of them are older. You go have ethnic food, watch the kids perform their talents and have "bonding" time. I was at this retreat and this boy maybe 10 years old was in a tree. He and I hit it off and it was meant to be. He was an old soul and it felt as if we had always been together. On the last day once we were inseparable it was time to "match" with your child. He looked at me and I said with a heavy heart, "We came here looking for a girl". He hung his head and said he understood. But I was heartbroken, and quickly trying to find the right words. "It's not as if we won't adopt you but........." (Those words haunt me while I'm awake.) I quickly searched the room for a girl realizing that all the girls had bonded with others during this whole weekend. I saw an infant baby, nope he was in boy clothes. I turned around and the boy in the tree was gone.....
That was written exactly two weeks before she was born.  Do you think God had anything to do with that?  I do. At that time I was praying very hard for God to show me some sign regarding this adoption.  I had already had a failed referral from India, and I was so scared I was once again, on the wrong path.  I can still smell the air and see the bark on the tree.  It is still that real to me.  For a long time, I felt guilty about "not picking the boy in the tree" in my dreams, until I sort of had a revelation this week. So I went back to read when I actually wrote about the "boy in the tree" and it was 8-27-09. Wow.  What if that boy was not there to "talk" to me about adoption?  What if God sent him to talk to me about an infant girl who was set to be born in two weeks time?  What if he hung his head down because he knew they would have to say goodbye to her?  What if she was theirs?  Once I felt that PNut belonged to them, I had this amazing sensation rush through my body, and goosebumps filled every pore.  God has never left me.  Never. Never..Never...

Tonight I claim the Bible verse: I will not leave you as orphans.  I will come to you. John 14:18 
Lord, I know you don't want orphans in this world.  I know you send your people to them.  I know you want PNut and I together.  I claim this verse, and I declare it!!!! And once again my Lord, my God, I adore you and love you, and no matter what the outcome, I will accept it.....