What keeps me going?

Laural, Caleb, Samuel, My step-mom Renee, and I all sent our balloon letters to you God. We took pictures and watched as each balloon floated away, higher and higher, slowly but surely, going into heaven. One of my favorite pictures was when my two oldest children ran after the balloons, and Laural is far away with Caleb, pointing to his balloon in the sky, when it is just a dot. My letter was full of Thank you's, attached to a "Thank you" balloon. Caleb recited his letter to me, and it was so cute. "Mom and Dad are going to fly up in the sky to Africa". Everyone else wrote their letters and didn't share them because it was a letter wrote from each of our hearts directed toward God. It was an amazing night.

As for the title of this post, What keeps me going? You all have read at different times how I waiver because of lack of inpatience. What keeps me going is every night, going in prayer, knowing this is what God has led me to do. My daughter is not from my womb. My daughter is not from the USA. My daughter is in Ethiopia amongst many other children waiting, yearning for a mom and dad. I cry over other's pictures of the children in Ethiopia. I pray diligently for the family and friends of Miss E's birthfamily. God's heart is for the orphans. He loves them and wants them to find families. He doesnt want them starving and destitute on the street. He has a special place in His heart for them. Awhile ago I had a type of revelation. As I was reading amongst the scripture I came across the one at the top of my blog. It reads, "I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." As I studied that scripture and prayed, God revealed to me what that really meant. He doesn't want them to be orphans. But how in the world could he take care, and come to all the orphans in the world? Simply by sending His people. The "I" in the second sentence is me, and you. His followers. He will set the lonely in families. He will set the lonely in the orphans. And He will bring us together to never be alone again. "I will not leave you as orphans. 'My people' will come to you." And that is what keeps me going. I love Esther Isabel with all my heart. She is my daughter even though I don't know her yet. I love her unconditionally with all the love a mother can love her child with. And I think that is why I struggle sometimes. It is almost like she is SO present with us that because she isn't it feels like she is kidnapped or something like it. I yearn for her. God keeps me going. He won't let me give up. He has made a special child especially for me, and He won't let me give up on her. And neither will my friend Lynn. She sent me a picture of her picking up her daughter in China. The joy poured out of that photo. "Setting the lonely in familes." So if so many people are standing on Miss E's side, I can't give up now can I? I will remain steadfast and firm in my decision. And if it takes 100 years, I will never give up. You just might likely hear me complain about the wait often, because Lord knows I'm not a patient person. At least when it comes to holding my baby's. God knows it. He made me that way, and He never makes a mistake.

"...once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act."(Proverbs 24:12)